Clue-by-Four: Ramblings of a Jock Dork

The Clutter Singularity: Psychological Junk and it’s Impact on the Space-Time Continuum

Posted in Clue x Fours and Other Tools of Sanity by Wingnut on March 31, 2010

(JK contributed heavily to the information for “The Clutter Singularity” series)

Junk is not, like alcohol or weed, a means to increased enjoyment of life. Junk is not a kick. It is a way of life.”

–William S. Burroughs

Sometimes called one of the most influential authors of the Twentieth Century, William S. Burroughs was no stranger to what we will call psychological junk (I know this is not officially recognized by APA as a valid term. Yet, it is much more accessible than things like Schizophrenic Traumatic Multiple Despressosity Malfunctioning Disorder [Which doesn’t actually exist]).  Burroughs, whose own demons included opiates and repressed childhood homosexuality, wrote about drugs, sexuality, amorality, and all sorts of other junk. According to critics, he had a keen awareness of the junk piles that make up the human mind.

Thanks to a number of phone conversations with JK and her liberal use of the term (I have full faith she will use her Dr. title to make “junk” an official designation), I got to thinking about what are the different levels of junk and how much junk I can tolerate before I’m ready to toss a friendship/relationship down the garbage chute.1

Here is where I diverge from the classic Hot/Crazy scale, as put forth on How I Met Your Mother by Barney Stinson. [You can take the quiz on Barney’s Blog here, but I think most of you won’t actually admit to being all “stabby-stabby”, even though you are thinking it.]  While, this graph certainly applies for general dating practices and attraction, it’s comes up short for “relationships.” I think a third axis needs to be added to the graph, making the model more like space-time continuum.2

Some people are just a black hole of goodness!!! Here we can see how a person's "junk" affects friends, family, space, time, matter, and light.

In fact, when you think about it, “junk” kind of acts like a singularity because, at some level, a mass of junk will obliterate all matter and light.3

Junk and Crazy are closely related, although you can have varying amounts of one, the other, or both, without a necessary connection.

For example, if that part of your crazy only affects you, then it isn’t really junk. (Like you sing Taylor Swift songs in the shower)4

However, because junk bends the gravitational well around people who have larger amounts, it almost arbitrarily affects other people.

Now that we have a workable graph, how do we quantify “junk”. For this, I have collaborated with a fellow intellectual to create the “JK/JD Junk Index” (coming in serialized format over the next few days—yeah, I’m making you wait for it)


  1. Han had a much higher junk tolerance level than Leia. Sure, she had to deal with his arrogance and playboy ways…but she kissed her own brother. That’s some serious junk.
  2. This is a shameless attempt to be sexually appealing to the hot, quantum physicists out there…why do I hear crickets chirping [incidentally, this didn’t work for Stephen Hawking either]
  3. In fact, Einstein’s theory of general relativity was originally supposed to explain why he divorced his intellectual equal, only to marry his cousin (1st maternally and 2nd paternally!!! Wow, talk about relative theory).   It is safe to say, Einstein had a lot of junk.

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  1. […] Clue x Fours and Other Tools of Sanity by theteacher174 on April 21, 2010 First, to review: * We took a look at what “Junk” is *Looked at Baggage, Trashcans and Other Junkmeres (First 3 levels of junk) *Purchased our very own […]

  2. […] Orders: As you can see, it is fundamental to evaluate your own “junk” after you get cheated on. By following the right course of treatment, you can walk into your next […]

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