Clue-by-Four: Ramblings of a Jock Dork

Premature Ejunkulation: Testoserone and Exposing Your Junk

Posted in Clue x Fours and Other Tools of Sanity, Misadventures in Dating, WTF? by Wingnut on April 23, 2010

 I’ve been reading a couple blogs over the past few weeks and it has occurred to me that far too many men and women are encountering the Crazy Trains of the world at an alarming rate. As of this publishing, there is still not an effective warning system and people are being blindsided by other people’s junk…but it’s not psychological junk I am referring to.

Imagine, you met a guy and spent a good four hours1 talking to them at a bar or club. The conversation was amazing; the chemistry was good.  You drive home thinking to yourself, “Wow, I kinda like that guy” [Maybe even really like the guy]. He sends you a text saying how wonderful it was talking to you and you respond with “Me too. I look forward to seeing you again.” Apparently, “seeing you again” is the international cue for “ALL ABOARD!!!!!”2.  You receive the following three texts in succession:

  1. Neither can I.
  2. Here’s a little something to remember me by.
  3. [picture of COCK AND BALLS]3

SINCE WHEN WAS THIS OK?!?!?? I certainly never got the memo. [No really, I searched the internet for a whole five minutes and there is NO MEMO] In some cases, If he’s really classy, he will forgo the text and his junk will be waiting in your inbox. Rumor has it, there’s even an APP for that.4 This also applies for meeting people via Match.com. JK has reported more than one instance of junk mail just minutes after an IM session [Why is there no spam setting for this?]5

I can tell you, from everything I’ve ever heard women say, they honestly don’t want to see your junk in picture form right after they meet you. In fact, many women don’t want to see your junk after 10 years of marriage [Although, this is usually in ANY format and speaks to a larger marital problem].

EF1 [ex fiancé one, for those who forgot the acronym] had the misfortune, or good fortune depending on your point of view, of meeting a guy who waited 40 SECONDS before exposing junk on his phone, but it wasn’t even HIS JUNK?!?!?!  He thought he would impress her by showing all of the female junk women had texted him [A clear turn-on right ladies?] I have to wonder if it was even junk that was sent to him because my suspicion is that it was just stuff he got of the internet or was forwarded by some other douche. [Needless to say, this particular fella had trouble containing the crazy for longer than four minutes at a time]

Women are more likely to expose themselves with verbal or written junk [featured in very next blog, Crazy Trains and Bar Girls: You Want Me To Stick It Where? (this blog will be rated M for mature].

What has happened to the filter that prevented people from doing this sort of thing? I mean sure, most celebrities have a sex tape or naked pictures.  Sure, most movies, according to Adam Carrolla, feature gratuitous male junk. Sure, most plot lines involve sophomoric, overtly sexual behavior. Sure, the “clean” songs on the radio feature more sex than an episode of Grey’s Anatomy [OK, I just don’t like Grey’s]. But, surely none of this has anything to do with it right…oh wait….

AFTERWORD: I’ve retitled the this blog to coincide with the one that follows. I think it’s high time that we had a word for this phenomenon. Thus, I present to you Ejunkulate and Premature Ejunkulation!

New language alert! Ejunkulate (verb): 1. to send a naked picture of yourself to another person; 2. To expose your crazy in a rapid, violent manner. Premature ejunkulation (noun): The act of sending picures of your junk to a person you barely know.

Footnotes:

  1. This theory will now be called Diablorobotica’s Law.
  2. Just didn’t want to say Crazy Train again.
  3. Sadly, simple cock and balls is the minimum. I have heard of some pretty crazy pictures people have sent without warning.
  4. Though I’m pretty sure there is not.
  5. There needs to be a time equivalent for all other forms of communication, like e-mail, Facebook messages, texting, or stalking them on Google. All of these factor in the calculations for Diablorobotica’s Law.
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6 Responses

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  1. JK said, on April 23, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    My other favorite junk exposure is when an ex used those pictures (via text) to show me “how much better off he was” now that he wasn’t with me. So not only now does he not respect me, he doesn’t respect the woman who is pictured doing what she’s doing to him….which I’m sure indicates he doesn’t respect women…

    So I agree…why is this ok?!

    I’m sure it has something to do with lack of direct communication. And boundaries.

    P.S. Great blog 😉

  2. Chasha said, on April 23, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Glad to know I’m not the only person who has recieved such a text after meeting what seemed like a great guy.

  3. theengagementproject said, on April 28, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    after a first date, a guy i dated sent me x rated pics of him and his ex. it was a weird move. there was obviously no second date. The Playboy Dummy

  4. […] is a great deal of irony in the way men and women prematurely ejunkulate1. As mentioned earlier in “Exposing Your Junk”, men seem to think that women like to see pictures of their junk via text messages a mere four […]

  5. […] However, I have to wonder…if you have been talking to someone for hours that you have a real connection with, why haven’t you exchanged contact information for use at a later date [like e-mail]? This is the way it works in real life. Boy meets girl/boy talks to girl/boy gets girls # [and hopeful doesn’t follow with boy ejunkulate’s on girl] […]

  6. […] With Life @ Twenty-Something’s – I hand times post and Clue-by-Four coining the term “Ejunkulation”, I’ve decided to share one of my more recent blind date […]


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