Clue-by-Four: Ramblings of a Jock Dork

Being Badass and Other Traits of a Man of Action

Posted in Clue x Fours and Other Tools of Sanity, Jock Dork: It's Who I Am by Wingnut on August 5, 2010

It seems like weekly I’m leaving at least one interview feeling really good about my presentation and, weekly, I’m being hit in the mouth by multiple rejections. Yesterday was the latest in this push/pull existence, with two great interviews and three rejections [only one of which called me for an interview].

This post is not about complaining and trying to garner sympathy [though I will never complain when I get it]. It is about being a man of action1.

Yesterday, I interviewed for a position that had over 220 applications for a location in the barrio. I received another e-mail letting me know my application was being reviewed as part of over 200 for a high school position. A friend of mine told me that over 400 people applied for one position at her school.

Yeah, I’m…

With all of these laid off teachers, it’s a shark tank out there and the water has been chummed by politicians and beauracrats. Each open position is a drop of blood in the water and, if you’ve seen Shark Week, you know how that ends.

Being a man of action, I have tried to find ways to rise about the fray. Currently, I pass around my iPhone [No, not because they are wielding a droid and am an Apple snob]. I have two PowerPoint portfolios of student work uploaded to my phone.

Yesterday’s interviews included specific questions about a project displayed. The same student project piqued their interest. Obviously, it is proving an effective technique for displaying the best of what I have to offer. 2 It also proves I’m badass.

Yeah, you heard me. I’m badass3. Don’t believe me? Consider this: I may be the only one doing this. During or after at least five interviews in the past few weeks, panel members have commented that my presentation is a great idea and I am the first candidate ever to use this method of presentation [One of the APs yesterday even said I win brownie points for it].

See how badass I am? It seems so obvious to use Smartphones for portfolios. I’m shocked to hear I’m the only one, but I love being an innovator. [I’m considering purchasing an iPad for this very reason. Next level people?]

Back to the Task at Hand

I’ve been at this a couple months and, as you can read here, I am thoroughly exhausted by the process and feel for those who have been unemployed for far longer than I have. I’m not here to talk about that because I am a man of action. I have already begun formulating a plan ‘B’.

In many places, school is two to four weeks away. I still have some time. But, I don’t believe in waiting until the last moment. Men of action anticipate the future and plan for it.

Plan B for ClueXFour the English teacher involves the following:

  • Keep looking everyday [There will be jobs that come up even after the school year starts. To win, I must be diligent and steadfast in my pursuit]
  • Look for substitute openings in a desired target area [Since I’m already a sub in my former district, I am free to target those districts that I might like to work for in the future. It is all about getting a foot in the door and face recognition].
  • Figure out which CSET I can pass in the next 6-10 months and work on passing it. Be it science, math, social science, PE. Adding more authorizations to my credential opens up which jobs I can apply for next year. I am a quick study and an amazing test taker [In other words, let me see what I can BS my way through].
  • MASTER’S DEGREE. I have yet to decide whether it will be in English or Education. Either way, it will suspend student loan payments for a while and will make me even more qualified for next summer’s job hunt. It will also show that I’m not just sitting around moping about losing my full-time position.
  • Look for professional development opportunities: If there are conferences and seminars I can sign up for on the cheap, I will be sure to attend so that I will be even more prepared to meet the education challenges of tomorrow, or at least BS about them. It will also demonstrate my serious to not just mope jobless.
  • Even if I do get a job, consider any of the previous three options anyway, just in case.4
  • Focus on getting rid of some monthly bills so that I have even more freedom, financially, during the next round of job interviews.

This plan is still in the beginning stages of implementation. I am hopeful that today works out…or tomorrow works out. There is the possibility that my old district may call me back once Congress gets this bill passed to rehire teachers, firefighters and police officers. However, my district has made many poor choices and there is no telling on how they will try to spend the money.

At the moment, that is the future. Today, I’ll take some advice a long-time friend always has for times like them:

Get piss drunk and get laid!56

SIDENOTES:

  • A friend informed me that the minimum GPA for community college transfer students who hope to go to Cal State Fullerton has been raised to 3.7. Yes, you read that right. So much for equal access to education. When a CSU is using such high GPA’s as a screening method, a lot of students will be left out.
  • With Congress set to try to pass the emergency jobs bill next week, it will be interesting to see how districts choose to spend that money on recalling staff. In my experience, politics often get in the way of doing the right thing.
  • I can predict the future. Don’t believe me. I’m about to make a prediction for August/September:
    • Assuming the jobs bill passes, I’m willing to bet a number of teachers who have been hired this summer will scramble back to the security of “tenure” at their old districts. I am predicting at least one district that interviewed me will lose their new hire the moment their previous district recalls them. I’m willing to bet, though there will be no way to prove it, that at least one administrator will think “Why didn’t we hire that guy with the iPhone.”

Footnotes:

  1. C’mon! You know you want to be one too!
  2. No, it doesn’t mean they will hire me. It just means I’m finding ways to display the best of what I have to offer.
  3. Just face it, I rock. You can rock like me too…action people!
  4. Yes, I’m insane. I know.
  5. Any volunteers to help? For the second part…I can handle getting piss drunk on my own thank you.
  6. What? Did you think being a man of action was always about being responsible?
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The Nice-Guy Conundrum: The Math and Science Behind Attraction

Posted in Clue x Fours and Other Tools of Sanity by Wingnut on March 17, 2010

One of the reasons I watch The Big Bang Theory on Monday nights is that I appreciate intelligent humor.1 The show is well-written and the characters resemble friends of mine (No, not the HOT one). But, mainly, I watch it because I like to look at Kaley Cuoco. “Wait,” you ask, “But you like smart women.” Sure, I like intelligent women and her character is as “dumb as a box of hammers”2; but look at her! (I may not actually be this superficial…It is still up for debate).

Now, there are two things to point out about the primary “relationship” of the show. 1. String theory3 is easier to prove than a “real” relationship between a woman this hot and a man this “not-rich” and nerdy; 2. Said “nerdy” nice guy is actually a douschebag.

The fact is…yes, nice guys do finish last, but they also deserve to. (To those of you who argue, please withhold judgment until you have completed reading both posts. You will see that my opinion is far more accurate than yours).

Point #1 The Real Reason Kaley Will Never Sleep With You

Guy #1: Envision, for a moment, your local dance club on a Friday night. In walks a tall, handsome, cowboy (aka, Me). Within moments, he has made his way through the herd of female antelopes, and occasional wildebeest. He has sized up the room and begins studying his selected prey to find weaknesses, self-esteem cracks that make them an easy target [(Attractiveness – self-esteem) *Daddy Issues  = Target acquired].  If he finds none on first glance, he is patient. No need to rush. Sometimes, all it takes is working the room and mingling with the known members of the herd. They prey will become available…they always do, often thanks to large quantities of alcohol. [Self Esteem Issues * Number of Drinks Consumed = % Chance of Success (This is often more than 100)].

Opportunity always comes.

And all the while, the women watch him, not with the wary eye they should be, but with awe, interest and growing desire. [Alcohol * Desire = Zero-Good Decisions] He may be a complete asshat, but, and this is important, he is also completely male and his hormones are gamma rays that melt all protest and inhibition. [Physical Attractiveness * Alcohol * Confidence(only part assholishness) = This guy is FREAKIN HOT]

Guy #2: Timidly walks into the same dance club. He desperately wishes some of these beautiful women would come up and talk to him. Largely incapable of effective interaction, he stands and even the wildebeest walk by with their nose and tails in the air. He is never seen as a threat. When he finally happens to talk to one of them, the words fumble from his mouth. He burns with the same desire, but that scent is overwhelmed by that of fear and insecurity. Women never feel a spark and he follows them around, like a lion cub on a leash, a leash he gladly puts on himself because he thinks that, if he talks to her long enough, he has even the semblance of a chance.

And all the while, he is invisible.4 [Number of potential women/amount of self-confidence, when SC = 0, is, frankly, impossible]

Summary:

Guy #1, traditionally know as the asshole, almost excretes confidence and sexuality in a way that women find attractive (if only I could bottle that stuff), and far more effective than Axe or Tag5.. This is because that, while we are sentient creatures, we are not that far removed from other animals whose mating rituals are primarily for procreation (for example, rednecks and conservative politicians6). The concept of” Alpha Male” works the same in social situations as it does in the animal kingdom.  Alpha’s are the first to eat and the first to mate.

If this were not true, then brutish, undereducated men who like to drink and fight would never get laid. Men who are clearly rude, self-centered, and egotistical would never get women. Yet, reality shows us that women will THROW themselves at these men, repeatedly. (Recent studies have shown that if you also lack a conscience, even the most scrupulous “true-love-can-wait” girl cannot resist).

Guy #2 (Aka Leonard), traditionally known as the Omega male, radiates ZERO% sexuality and 100% desperation [Which smells a lot like day old toes7]. Because they are incapable of securing the kill themselves, they defer to whatever is left over by the Alpha, Beta and other males. In a social situation, this just does not work because the leftovers aren’t dead. Even the leftover women are attracted to confidence, fake confidence, the illusion of confidence, etc…etc…etc.  There are, in fact, no scraps.

There is nothing about being “nice” that makes the Omega a viable candidate. They display clear weakness and do little or nothing to change their status. They spend most of their time hoping to get laid, rather than believing that they will. And, while “hope” may get a president elected, it proves useless when there is no action [Obama’s presidency and sexless men have a lot in common].

To return to the BBT paradigm, in the real world (no matter how hard you believe, World of Warcraft is not, in fact, the real world), Leonard would be spending his nights with his best friend, constantly complaining about the jerks that Penny kept dating (oh wait, that was the whole first couple of seasons, which were far more realistic). And, by default, Penny would keep dating these men…not because she wanted to be treated poorly, but for the reasons stated in this blog.

Sadly, BBT’s flaws don’t end there because, in truth, Leonard is the biggest asshat on the show.  In part 2, we explore why the “nice guy” is, in fact, the biggest asshat of them all.

Footnotes:

  1. The Dork in JD; see link
  2. I have our choir teacher NM to thank for sharing that wonderful phrase.
  3. See also String Theory for Dummies
  4. In fact, the U.S. Marine Corps has invested serious man hours in trying to train their soldiers to become emotionally weak as a viable, invisibility option for combat. Unfortunately, most marines are unqualified to even pretend to be nice guys.
  5. Body spray is about as effective as male, alcohol consumption in attractive women, in spite of what the commercials try and tell us.
  6. Addendum, this is only when they have sex with their actual wives. Mistresses are a different story.
  7. My Friend GL was so bad, it was the equivalent of week old toes. No really. Ask anyone who was ever in a car with him. Can you say, windows down when it is absolute zero outside?